I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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