No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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