You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
