Cold hands, warm shart.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
