You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Fuck appropriateness.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
