Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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