i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
