Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
is that a dick in a sweater?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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