I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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