"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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