The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
