Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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