You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
