Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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