his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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