I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
