It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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