Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Actions speak louder than pants.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
