She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
