just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just high enough for therapy.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
