where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
