He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
