I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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