I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
