My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
