So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
