well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
