Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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