Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
