Me. At least after what I've been through.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
