Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
