I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
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