I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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