I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
