Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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