im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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