enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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