you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
