I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
