we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
