Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the condom got lost in my hair
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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