he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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