Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
