the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
