im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
