If that was your dad, he is hot
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
