I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
