I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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