My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
