I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
