on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
