I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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