I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
