and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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